I was at work Thursday. As usual, I heard the typical question: 'Do you have any kids?' The thing that threw me was that there was a follow up question. One that I hadn't heard before. 'So, when are you going to have kids?' 'I am not going to.' I said. This was met by a laugh. You know, one of those laughs that says..'oh you are young. You will change your mind and want kids later.' This from a complete stranger!
To be honest, it didn't really piss me off. It did upset me though, but not for the usual reasons I might list. I really thought about it this time. It upset me because there is no good answer to this question. If I explain why I said that, it would appear rude (at least in a work setting), not to mention the confused looks I would get even mentioning menopause at my age. If I don't explain, people will just think I am about 20 years old, and still don't think I want kids. It's a lose/lose situation.
It really is an odd thing. Since my POF diagnosis, if the 'baby' topic is brough up, I don't even bother with the whole ordeal of trying to explain to people what we have been through the past few years. But, not explaining this to people makes me feel sort of like I am denying something. It's kind of like saying 'life has been just fine and dandy the last 3 years.' Kind of like a little, ok, BIG fib. It's just one of those things, that no matter what you say, it has the potential to come out sounding pissy. Of course, I am not saying in any way, that I think it's acceptable for complete strangers to ask these kind of stupid questions. But I also realize that when they do ask, it's not out of malice. How are they to know what I have been through?
Out of all the things that a stranger can be asking you, why does THIS have to be the one that is repeated over and over? Not that I haven't heard other lame ass questions come out of peoples mouths over the years, but this seems to be the gold standard.
'When are you going to have kids?'
Jesus, I just can't seem to come up with a good answer to that.
Sunday, September 05, 2004
Dumbfounded
Posted by Tiff at 4:27:00 AM
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5 comments:
Even before the miscarriage years, I always found this question to be rude. Bottom line it is not their business if you have kids, don't have kids, can't have kids, or had kids but ate them one morning when you were out of Special K. It's none of their business. Period.
But it does get asked whether we want to hear it or not. I have gotten to where I answer the question with more info than they wanted. I guess I hope eventually people will start to learn to watch what they ask. Probably not likely though.
Hey Tiff, I saw this and I have to say...once again...I don't know how you work at a children's clothing store. I would look at it as some sort of medieval punishment. And I think you get a lot more questions about children in that setting than you would if you worked at Macys or a record store. KWIM?
{BIG HUG}
People are so insensitive...
A good friend of my sister's actually asked me yesterday, "Hey! So how are things going down south?", pointing to my nether regions.
Are you fucking kidding me?
rofl Sherry, you should have said 'Oh, you mean the crabs?' *giggle* She probably wouldn't ask again!
Donna, I know. I keep wondering the same thing. You know how it is though, once you get comfortable at a job. It's just easier to stay than look elsewhere. Or am I just lazy? lol
REMINDER: Send Ollie some extra Special K, Pop Tarts and Eggo Waffles...and make sure her kitties are all accounted for! >^..^<
Hmm. My best friend and I frequently call eachother during times of GYN trauma and say "So. How's your snatch?" ...but I guess we're not really the type of girls one takes out in polite company.
For myself, I tend to go for the 'let's make as many people as possible uncomfortable' answer to the kids question. I usually fix them with a borderline contemptuous stare and say "Well...I have an incurable disease that frequently renders people sterile, so...." and then let them flounder a bit.
Everyone at work knows I have Endo, and those who don't know what it is are treated to the graphic description, because fuck 'em. If I have to *have* this, they can certainly suffer through *hearing* about it.
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